How Silly Can You Get ?

Monty Python invented the Ministry of Silly Walks.  Lanky, looney John Cleese gave us hilarious examples of absurdity in motion.  Religions have invented their own absurd Ministries of Silly Beliefs, Silly Rules and Silly Practices.  You can compile your own lists.  Here's the first of mine :

SILLY  BELIEFS

1.  Way back when, a divine No-Body said, "Abracadabra" and the world was.  And He saw that it was good...for the nonce.

2.  He went one better, looked in a lake He had created, saw no reflection but made some mud and fashioned a spittin' image of Himself which He called "Earthy"  ("Adam" in Hebrew).

3.  Unmarried and unsexed Himself, though a single Parent, He did a little surgery on the First Man and molded one of his spare ribs into the First Woman, thereby creating the First Couple, whose two sons must have married female monkeys as we hear nothing of their sisters, and both incest and same-sex marriage or even relations would soon be forbidden by descendants who would later compile a long list of Silly Rules.

4.  Though devoid of vocal cords, a larynx and even a tongue, He sometimes spoke to chosen individuals of His Chosen Race and dictated to them all they needed to know and much that they didn't.  Whether it made any sense or not, what was in the Book(s) they wrote was God's own word, so their tall stories, Silly Beliefs, Silly Rules and Silly Practices could never be questioned.

5.  Later, His down-trodden Chosen People who, in spite of His predilection and loving care had become second-rate citizens in a land occupied by a foreign pagan Superpower, was blessed with the birth, or better, the incarnation of His preexistent Son, thanks to a nubile teenager whose baby was both conceived and delivered leaving her virginity intact.

6.  The divine-human Child grew up and got noticed for His precocious wisdom, His gift of the gab and His power to provide free lunches for the hungry, sight for the blind and life for the dear departed.  He never left His native country, except as a Baby, so He never remembered seeing the pyramids, but He was to become the world's most famous Star, who would literally be worshipped by His fans and fanatics all over the planet.

7.  His divine Dad had a thing about people's disobedience, debauchery, devil-worship and doing unto others what they often deserved.  Someone had to suffer and be punished for these sins.  So good Chap and model Father that He is, He decided to sacrifice His own Son rather than the rest of us; His torture and death would settle our debt to Someone unnamed.

8.  Before Jesus, our self-sacrificing Savior, raised Himself from the dead and took off into space without the help of NASA, He shared some of His powers with a bunch of fishermen and tax-collectors whom He appointed to convert the rest of humanity to worshipping Him rather than His rivals.  They could not turn water into wine but they could turn bread into His body.  More important, they could forgive mortal sins, like missing Mass on Sunday, in His name, thereby saving such criminals from eternal punishment, as well offer or even sell Indulgences to shorten or eliminate their punishment if they broke less mortal but equally Silly Rules like being late for Mass.

9.  The man elected to take His place as the CEO of the multinational called the Church, has a special power called infallibility.  He can't pick the winners at the race-track or even in the Conclave of Cardinals, but whatever He decides to decree solemnly is guaranteed to be absolutely true.  He doesn't need valid arguments, let alone proof.  What he says is true, is.  Period.

10.  Perhaps the most incredible Silly Belief of believers is that though their dead bodies will rot, their "souls" will not.  ("Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that they dream of.  Why, oh why, can't I ?").  Death may look like a Definitive End, but it's really just a portal to Paradise.  Or the other place.

Second-rate science fiction is more credible than these Silly Beliefs.  But billions still buy them.

Comments

[John Haswell]

It is easy to imagine that early man, with a developing consciousness but living an extremely perilous existence, would try to build a world view to explain the many mysteries in the world around him- the sun, moon and stars, birth and death, the seasons, storms, lightning and thunder, and extreme events like volcanoes and earthquakes. What would be more obvious than ascribing the cause of these events to unknown but powerful beings, variously helpful or malevolent, but always somewhat like men. With growing communication skills, some simplistic (to our scientific eyes) explanations could be exchanged and grow into a common set of beliefs among a tribal group.

One of the earliest roles as our cultures became specialised were the persons who could claim a special relationship with the supernatural beings – the shamans and ‘medicine men’ in the hunter-gatherer era, then priests as society became larger and more complex. A short step then to align the priests and the rulers. What more could a king want than a god on high who backed up his authority, what more could a priest want than a king to decree and enforce the one true religion?



As science has explained more and more of the physical world, including the way our brain creates the mind, the role for a ‘god of the gaps’ has shrunk to insignificance, yet so many intelligent people can ignore the new knowledge, preferring the ancient ‘out of this world’ beliefs. In what other field of endeavour would we conduct our life on the knowledge-base of the warring nomad tribes of over two thousand years ago?

[thom]

I'll have to put Daniel through the machine de traduiser, parce que je ne parle pas francais tres bien. But I've got the gist of what is being said. And maybe I'll learn something more than the bread-and-butter man in the botany department can imagine.

What does it profit a man if he can't second guess the prophets.

My hard drive packed up long ago. But maybe Sainte Rita peut restaurer mon fonction.

[daniel]

Je me suis esclaffé récemment en recevant un mail reproduisant la pub d'un marabout africain affirmant qu'hors sa capacité à faire redevenir amoureux/se votre ami/e ou à guérir votre cancer, proposait aussi de réparer à distance votre ordinateur et restaurer votre disque dur. .... puis finalement je me suis dit que ces promesses ne sont peut-être pas plus extraordinaires que d'autres affirmations des religions. Il doit d'ailleurs bien y avoir quelques internautes qui ont le réflexe de prier Sainte Rita pour que leur connexion internet se rétablisse.

[Gracy]

I know you to well ,Frank! You enjoy playing with words and try to tell us ,you are an atheist..I smiled as I was reading your text and went outdoors to look for the rainbow.As God ,it wasn't visible...but the beauty of the sun shining ,on my garden, ..made me think ...of some incredible presence:Who knows????

[Thom]

Hello Frank and Mark, A letter writer in the Sydney Morning Herald of Thursday April 4 2013 (no not April 1) says "..we are all entitled to pick and choose what we want to believe or not from history, but why do those who disbelieve the Christian faith so readily choose to ridicule those who do?....". No doubt the letter writer would support the right of those who so choose to believe that the moon is made of green cheese. After all, such a person is "free" to so choose - despite all the evidence. Such a believer will not be jailed, persecuted, fined or otherwise suffer - except humiliation if he expresses his belief in public.

The point of this anecdote is obvious. We should have good reasons for believing anything. This goes as much for religious beliefs (faith) as anything else. The onus is on those proposing "articles of faith" even the original as well as a revised Nicean Creed to substantiate their wish list.

I don't think it wise to hold my breath waithing for them to do so.